The Laughing Emoji

Today’s society practically lives online. You may run into 1 or 2 people that despise all things social media. Then your face looks shocked like the painting, The Scream, or like the emoji with the oval mouth. Either way online interactions practically rule world, especially for younger generations. In these interactions we often react in a variety of ways. Facebook is one of the biggest social media platforms. Their developers came to a realization that we respond to things with more than just a thumbs-up or thumbs-down. So they decided to add additional reactions. They range from smiles to angry but the one that bothers me the most is the laughing Ha-ha reaction.

Here’s a little context for you. People have laughed at me and mocked me my whole life. Personally I don’t laugh when something is not funny. To me, it is immature to laugh when the topic is not funny or even meant to be funny. Jokes and anecdotes are funny. A comment/statement on Facebook is not always funny. Sometimes it is just stating a fact or having a discussion.

Sometimes people put the laughing emoji to laugh at you for saying something they perceive as stupid. Facebook has opened the door for bullies to make fun without saying anything. When I see a laughing emoji as a reaction to one of my comments, I am immediately bought back to the high school cafeteria where people giggle over the smallest thing. What are we? Kids? I am pretty sure that most of the interactions I have online are with adults over the age of 25. By this age most people don’t randomly giggle over things. A more mature reaction would be thumbs-up or a smile and move on. Why make people feel bad about posting something. I can’t count the number of times that I have deleted my own comments online because I felt so bad about what I wrote even though there was nothing inherently wrong with it. Sometimes I know it’s best to take back my words and just not continue the conversation. I have learned over the years that its best to avoid conflict and pick your battles if at all possible.

My main point is that before your react to something, you should think about how that person might feel. I catch myself in this often and try to make sure that I react respectfully.

Am I Really Making the Right Choices? Part 3

Ok so I did a lot of research for this one. That's why it took me so long to get my thoughts together.

A few things come to mind when it comes to the choices I have made in my life. Most of them financially based. This is because I spend a lot of time thinking about living on my own and how expensive it can get. My biggest dream is to have my own place and be able to live on my own but that is a thought for another post.

In general, my finances are pretty well balanced. At the beginning of the month I pay various bills. Car payment and rent payment ( to my mom ) come first. Then there are expenses for gas, food and student loans. At the moment, I can't pay student loans as I do not have stable work. I will eventually get to that. I think I am doing pretty well making sure it is all taken care of. This is Adulting 101. Pay your bills and pay your taxes. But what about tithing? Isn't that important? God says to give him 10%. What does that really mean?

Tithing came from biblical days when the people of a city gave 10% of everything they had to the priests. Back then it was mostly cattle and crops and some money. Then the priests turned around and gave 10% to the government. Back in biblical days, tithing was a way to support to temple. What does this mean for todays synagogues and churchs? Same thing. Tithes go to support the religious establishments and to pay thier staff. In turn those workers give 10% of thier income to the church. It works kind of the same way.

Here's the issue. Currently, I do not tithe. I'll tell you why. I believe that tithing is very important as a family unit. As I am single and live with my family, I do not tithe. I think there are scriptures about this somewhere in the Bible. Let me tell you a little story. I was in my 20s and someone in my congregation got word that I do not tithe and told me that it was a sin not to tithe. I immediately bought it to the rabbi and he said that its okay. I live in my parents home and do not live on my own and cannot tithe due to small income. The scandal was put to rest right then and there. I have even had someone tell me that I should tithe what little I have. I am pretty sure that God does not want me to starve. I dismissed that suggestion. I do, however, tithe of my time.

I am a firm believer in tithing of my time in service to the Lord. I also believe that this is one of my callings. Ever since I could remember, I loved being the helper. Its like what Mr. Rodgers used to say, "In times of trouble, if you look around, you will always find helpers". I have been a servant for over 15 years for various synagogue functions. I even have my ears pierced in the cartilage as a symbol of servitude to God (Deut 15:17 and Exod 21:6).  I recently joined a church and I plan to be actively involved there too.

I believe that my life has progressed slower than average but it all happened the way it did for a reason.

Melody

What Does My Future Hold?

Well no one can predict the future.  I do have a vague idea of what the next year will look like. This is not set in stone or anything but I have had to make some serious decisions.

After this year I will no longer be doing the Alive After 5 events. There are many reasons. The main reason is that no one I invite shows up to these events because they are in the middle of the week and parking is confusing if I do not explain what to do. I just have no support for it anymore. This alone is very heartbreaking to me. One of the other reasons is that I only make about $10-$15 a night most nights. I used to make $50 a night on a good night. Many of the events this year were rained out also.

I may also do another search for orchestras that need flutists. I have auditioned for many orchestras but they just don't need flutists. Many up and coming high school kids are taking positions in community orchestras. I am not sure what is out there but hopefully I can look into other groups.

Starting the beginning of next year I will begin to record videos once a week (I am nearly done cleaning my office and nearly ready to make a recording space here). I may not put any of them out for a while but I want to get back into recording things. I am still wrapping my mind around the fact that Youtube is just not a career for me. I am turning it into a passionate hobby instead.

This blog will remain a huge part of my hobby and I will continue to write updates here as I go. I also plan to make a trip to Canada next year. I have always wanted to visit my friend there and enjoy Niagara Falls.

There is so much I want to do but I never seem to follow through or even get the opportunity to try. I am on a constant journey of self discovery. I think this blog is an excellent hobby for me to keep up with.

See you all in the next post,

Melody

Am I Really Making the Right Choices? Part 2

The other day I began to think about my current situation. I live with my family.

Is that a bad thing? Not really and I will tell you why.

Financially it is difficult to live on your own and with the present economy, good work is hard to come by. I would have to be married and combine incomes with my spouse to survive. That is the reality of today's economy.

Don't get me wrong. I do not live in my parents home for free. I do help out around the house and I pay rent. I also have a car payment but still I make things work out while I'm here. This brings be to my next dilemma.

Would I move out with a boyfriend if he asked me to? No. I do not believe in this living arrangement(See part 1 for that explanation). Also, I would not be in a relationship with someone that does not believe in marriage. My romantic relationships, or lack thereof, is the only thing that seems to be difficult with my present arrangement but I believe that the right guy will understand my situation, not judge me for it,  and we can still go out and have fun.

Do I want to move out? Yes. Eventually
Is that feasible right now? No.
Is that a bad thing? No.

-Melody

Am I Really Making the Right Choices? Part 1

Many times throughout the day I ask myself. "Are you really making the right choices in your life?" While second guessing myself is both harmful and beneficial, I think it helps to be confident in my choices. Often the world says something is acceptable but I am over here thinking, "Would God approve?"or "Is that what I really believe inside?"

The first thing I have had on my mind a lot has been my romantic relationships. Should I date or should I try courtship? Or maybe a mixture of both. Start out casually dating while in a group of friends and then get more serious and start courting someone. Truthfully courtship scares me. I have had bad experiences with both types of relationship but if the right person comes along I am willing to give it a chance.

The second thing that I have on my mind a lot is my choice to remain abstinent until marriage. The world definitely has a strong opinion on this topic. I know plenty of people that have no problem sleeping with someone if it "feels right". I also know people on the opposite end of this topic that believe I am doing the right thing and that someone will be forced to fall in love with me for who I am and not what my body can do for them. That sounds great but I can tell you that I have had a ton of guys tell me they can't date me because I won't sleep with them. It is depressing when I remember those guys but hey it's their loss. 

The third thing, that goes along with the second thing, is marriage versus living together. I believe both have different meaning. When married, laws apply to you and your spouse and leaving is not that easy because of alimony and child support and all that. This includes joint bank accounts and joint taxes(if you live in the US). My personal belief is that divorce is only allowed if there was abuse, verbal or physical, or if there was cheating.  Both are severely destructive and hurtful. Living together is a completely different arrangement. You can easily leave and laws do not bind you at all. I feel like it is a way to get what you both want without tying yourself together by law. You can still have separate lives away from each other. Separate bank accounts and even separate bedrooms although you might still sleep in one room on occasion. I do not know the details of this lifestyle but it seems a little distant to me.  Marriage is about uniting as one. Living together is still two people living under one roof. 

Those three things were pertaining to relationships.  There are a few more things that come to mind but I will cover those in another post. 

--Melody

Social Media: Silenced Voices

Social media is the best and worst thing to happen to society.

Sure. It connects people socially and romantically but it can be devastating to your self esteem.

Lately I have been very upset by it and a very famous quote comes to mind. In one of the Harry Potter films, he discovers that he has a connection with Voldemort and he says to Professor Dumbledore, "I am so angry all the time" I am not angry per se but I am incredibly frustrated and maybe I am letting things get to me. 

Lately, I have seen a disturbing trend. Anytime ANYONE says something remotely uncomfortable, comments get deleted and people get banned. I even remove my own comments at times. What is saddening is that people can't freely express their own opinion without someone attacking them for speaking. It is like this in real life too. Often times I am not even saying that someone should believe as I do but there are certainly better ways to respond to someone.

Whatever happened to freedom of speech? Apparently it does not exist on the interwebs at all.

-Melody

Writing Prompt #2

Which member of you family would make a good character for a book?

I would say, probably, my mom. She is super expressive and is always the life of the party but her life is also never dull.  There is always something going on in her life. As a kid, I knew my mom as the clownish type. For example, my toys always seemed to develop personalities and move around in unique ways. When I got older, my mom was always the one to plan the New Years Party, and it was always a blast. She was always the creative, artsy one. We may not see eye to eye on a personal level but mom always knew how to make life interesting.

-Melody

Words Do Hurt...Despite What You Might Think

I am a huge movie lover. My hometown theater is my go-to place. I am probably their most frequent customer. I try and go to the blockbusters there rather than any where else. I have hung out there for a solid 9 years now.

Anyways....I have a story to tell you. I know, I know. This is going to be a slightly different blog post than my usual.

I went to see a movie. It was a kids movie. Animated feature. Super cute! That pretty much sets the scene. Kids ranging from age 7 and younger. Everyone gets seated. The host explains the rules of the theater and then leaves. Some people arrived during previews. It is clear that they might not have heard the aforementioned announcement.

The movie begins. The whole thing was adorable. Singing and dancing and beautiful colors. Kids will be kids and they giggle and laugh with each scene. Sometimes it is really quiet in the movie and kids are still talking. I say Shh on occasion and it quiets down. The row behind me drops their nacho tray not once but twice. I say shh and the guy goes off on me and cusses me out with the f-bomb. Then calls me a fat ass. I am shaking in my seat. He told me to leave. So I did. I told an usher what happened and security was called down. The guy came out and acted all calm and tried to make me out to be the crazy one. I hate it when people do that. At this point I am shaking and we are going back and forth at an impasse as to who should be made to leave. Security offers me another showing but its getting late. I said I would leave. I should not have had to do that but I decided it was for the best. Some people just get everything they want and its wise just to not fight it sometimes.

I do not blame the movie theater for an experience like this. I blame the people that decide to be jerks. The theater handled the situation really well. Unfortunately I had to leave but I will certainly be back at a later date.

I will say this: I have not been hurt this badly since I was in high school. I normally let things slide off me like a duck in water but I will not stand for bullies of any age.

Melody out!

How to Get Through the Holiday Blues: Alone on Every Holiday.

From the first time I started working for a large company of some kind, I have always had to sacrifice a lot around the holidays. I always longed for that ideal family togetherness but never seemed to feel it and may never truly get it.

The holidays are always so depressing to me. I have a love/hate relationship with the holiday season. This year is no different. Because of the post I work at, I will have to spend every single holiday alone in a little tiny guard shack with a couple space heaters for my company.That is not what I was expecting. This year I plan to take a different approach. I will put all my effort into making the best of the situation.

Here are a few tips to help you guys out.

• Get holiday themed decorations- I plan to put up lights in our window and I will get a small present for my supervisor. My little tree will be all dressed up and sitting on my windowsill in my room. 
• Get holiday themed foods- I plan to get a thanksgiving meal for Thanksgiving, Cookies for Hanukkah/ Christmas, and something sparkly for New Years. 
• Watch holiday themed movies- That will not be hard to rig up.
• Lastly text my SO and family- Even when I can't be there in person, I will still text my family on the day of the holiday. 

It might be depressing and I might be shedding tears about it at the moment, but I think I will make it through the holidays with just a little frostbite on my fingers.

Melody out!

10 Second Rant

People need to learn the concept of personal space.

People are always standing right next to me wherever I go. Its like I am trying to pay and I don't need you seeing my pin number or anything. Take a step back.

I get really uncomfortable to the point of panic attack when someone does that to me. I politely ask them to move and they don't. I get really upset and sometimes drop my entire basket and leave.

This also happens when the beginning of the line is 3 feet behind the register area. People like to stand right next to me.

Okay I feel a little better now.

-Melody

Cyberbullying: Please stop!

I keep going through this type of thing. I am not sure what can be done. I have tried to take my own advice from my previous post about this. Blocking is the only solution. Most of my so-called friends do not stand up for others in their own comment sections on the things that they post. Its sad. This should be a first defence.

I have been told that I am flat out wrong and I got all offended and now am playing the victim. Its not true. I also asked him to stop 3 times. When someone won't stop attacking you then you know this is a cyber bully. The fastest way to make it stop is to hit that report and block button.

My friend may never do anything about it but I took a stand and blocked the bully.

There is a huge difference between hurt and offense!!!

This kind of thing will never happen on my comment sections. I do not allow people to get hurt on my threads and social media pages. Its not ok. If it happens send me a message and I will take a stand.

Lets all take a stand on our own social media pages and take a moment to stop a cyberbully from hurting someone.

Fluteplayer777 out!

I love Lucy...my car!

Friday January 9^th I was in a car accident that took my most valuable possession: my car, Lucy. With that my whole world crumbled around me. I have nothing left but my faith and my health. Of course I still have a place to sleep and a roof over my head. I am grateful for that too.

Today I am hurting all over. Today I am humbled. With everything gone I am forced to start from square one. It’s like I am back in time. Back when I was kicked out of Lab school. I was so sure that I was meant to be there. For the next three months I was lost. I had no clue what was next. Then I picked myself back up and went back to school. I think I can do the same here.

It’s interesting. I had my car and a job but no boyfriend and now it’s the opposite. No car, no job but I am sort of seeing someone. I have no clue what God is doing but I think it will be better when this all balances out. That is all I want: stability and certainty.

So I took a walk.  I went down to the giant parking lot where I learned how to drive. Naturally I broke down. Then I went into the church where they held the Baccalaureate service for my high school graduation. I sat there for about 10 minutes. Praying and reflecting. I came to the realization that maybe God doesn’t think I can balance it all right now. I guess He had to humble me and break me to make me understand that. He wants me happy but balanced on His terms.

This is just my thoughts on all this. I will be recording a video for this week.

Fluteplayer777 out! -Melody

Insomnia: Not the Videogame

Hey guys! Blog time.

For the second night in a row, I am up until nearly 2am. I have no idea why but this happens sometimes. Also I have not written a blog in a really long time.

So here goes. My mind is inundated with thoughts everyday. So much sits on my mind. Sometimes I bury it in the back of my mind.

I am hoping that my temp position will become permanent. I love my job. My friend texted me after my internal interview and said that I deserve certainty in my life. God, that is an understatement. My life has always been unstable and uncertain. Its upsetting sometimes but I would like to think that I have enough trust in God that everything will work out somehow. 

Another common topic floating in my mind is my music and Youtube. I just started a new project. I am going to learn 38 new pieces of music between now and next years audition in August. I am hoping that studying some French composers might help me develop more skill and control over my musical ability.

Have you ever heard of the story of the two farmers?

There was a drought in the land and both of them desperately needed rain. Both of them prayed for rain. But only one prepared his fields to receive it.

Which one trusted God more?
The one that prepared his fields.

God will bring the rain when He's ready. You must prepare your fields to receive it.

Fluteplayer777 out!

What inspires you?....

Lately people have been so nasty online. Downright hurtful. Its depressing. Even today it feels like there is nothing you can do to stop it sometimes. Other times I have had someone stand up and stick up for me and later tell me they were sorry that someone said something mean to me. That means the world to me. Unfortunately social media is full of these cyber bullies.

Here is how I deal with it. First I try to tell them to stop. If they won't then I tell the friend who's post it originally belonged to in order to get them to stick up for me. Sometimes this blows up in my face and that "friend" tells me that it was my fault that the bully reacted the way that they did. Well when this happens I simply block the bully and unfollow the friend. This way I still have a friend but I don't have to see their posts all the time and therefore I wouldn't be tempted to comment on it. This method generally works on most forms of social media. On Youtube this works a little differently.

On Youtube it is much harder to report a bully. I personally have made all my video comments by approval only. I am still a small channel and I can easily monitor what people say and I will not approve something hurtful. I let a couple comments slip once and it ended badly but I removed it and its gone. That's another thing. You can delete posts on your profiles. They don't have to be there if you don't want them to be. Basically you don't have to let someone have the power to hurt you. If they post again Block them.

I understand its not that simple but in some way it is.

What inspires me is what Eleanor Roosevelt said,"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." She is so right! What she means is that if you do not give someone the power to hurt you then you won't feel hurt by them. Emotional pain is very real and it can do some serious damage to someone that has been constantly barraged by hurtful comments.

So here's the plan that I am using to inspire you and anyone else on the internet. If you see someone being cyber bullied, stand up for them and tell the bully that what they are doing is not necessary and that they pushed it too far. Make them think about what they did and realize that they would not want to be treated the same way.

Just some thoughts after I re-watched Cyberbully.

Comment if you want.

Fluteplayer777 out!

Back to the Beginning: A Reflection

I remember a time when one of my biggest fears was becoming an Adult.

I have always had one fear or another. A constant one is the fear of heights. Other fears change as I get older.

Well today after work I took myself back to that time. I stopped by one of the parking lots where I learned how to drive. I remember my fears and thoughts during that time. 9 years ago I faced the fear of becoming an adult along with the hope that once I got my licence I would become a little more independent. At the time I was still in college and just beginning that journey. The next January I got my Youtube channel.

I sat in my car this evening and cried. Then I got a sudden revelation. Look how far I have come since then!

I graduated University with a Bachelors Degree- Magna Cum Laude.
I paid off the car I am sitting in.
My Youtube channel is coming along.
My music has progressed beautifully.

On top of all this I have grown as a person and my faith is stronger than ever.

During this dry spell filled with darkness and depression I found a little light that reminded me that no matter what anyone else may say, I have changed and for the better.

It is so important to go back to the beginning in your memories. This provides a different point of view of your life from a past self perspective. The Kat that was 18 would be so proud of the Kat that I am now. She would also maybe want to do things differently. I would not change the past even if I could. Those battles made me stronger and left some scars to remember. I hope this revelation helps someone out there struggling with depression.

Fluteplayer777 out!

Depression and Social Media: My Thoughts

The main thing on my mind lately is social media!
Anxiety and depression are effected by this too.
I am on Blogger(Blogspot), Twitter, Instagram VK, Facebook, and Youtube, of course. It can be very hurtful at times and altogether overwhelming.
It starts with Anxiety.

"No one is responding, no one is watching, no one is reading,"

Those thoughts escalate quickly into depression.

"No one cares, no one likes you, you are wasting your time"

Then positivity tries to light the lantern of hope.

"You love playing music, writing and arranging. People have told you how talented you are"

Then depression takes its turn to speak.

"They are just being nice. what you do does not matter to anyone, why don't you quit." No! Never!

This is the thought process that a Youtuber, or any other social media user that has depression, face every day. The constant battle is exhausting. The external validation or lack there of, is what makes this cycle repeat itself.

Please, Have mercy on us and support the little people!

Oh! I got another subscriber!
Melody out!

Family Dinners: A Different Perspective

Ever since I could remember we always sat down to have dinner together.

I feel like the atmosphere and conversation changes as we get older.

When I was little I don't remember much of any conversation. Mostly because my dad worked the night shift and I didn't see him much. Don't get me wrong I still love him very much but as a kid I understood that he is a grownup and he had to work just like mom did.

I do remember and we have home video somewhere of us sitting at the table in the old house. I feel like everything was lighter and more fun back then. As I got older this began to change. Our conversations turned to more serious things and sometimes hurtful things. I hate to be stressed when I am eating.

As I came into adulthood I slowly began distancing myself from my family for that very reason. I now hate eating with my family because there is always screaming or telling me what to do and how to do it. From poking at me to tell me how to hold my fork to telling me that I should have cleaned the house last week. I work full-time right now. I have two days off and that is the weekend. I think I would go crazy if I did not leave this house for a day out by myself. I eat alone to eat in peace with myself and my thoughts. I eat alone to avoid feeling like a failure, feeling worthless and making sure that the company I keep is a choice and not a necessity.

Family dinners used to mean so much. I used to watch other families have dinner and talk about their day and wish, no, pray that this could be me someday with my family in the future.

On occasion I have dinner with a friend and I feel that warmth I so long for. He calls me grand-daughter even though I am not his blood. A meal is supposed to bring people together, not tear them apart. I feel like this is the case in the world today. In the US specifically I feel that no one really sits down together anymore and families become broken.

My biggest goal in life is to have family meetings and family game nights. This way I can develop a relationship with each member of my family so they never have to feel the way I feel right now. I am missing the piece of my heart that feels warm when I remember my family.

Ok I had to get those thoughts out of my head. See you guys in the next post. A new video is also up this morning.

Fluteplayer777 out!

LIKE A BOSS!: Why I wear a bracelet with those words on it and a pink mustache...

I don't wear much jewelry on my wrists because I am always on the computer. 
One day I bought a bracelet that glows in the dark and says LIKE A BOSS on it in white letters. 

A few months later I found a Youtuber called Jacksepticeye. His style of commentary grew on me over the last couple of months. When I first found him,  he was in a growing stage and hadn't quite found himself. Now he is amazing and about to reach 7 Million subscribers. Numbers are not everything but that is really exciting. Almost as exciting as 50 subs would be for a channel as small as mine.

Allow me to explain the pink mustache. As you probably guessed it is the symbol used to identify Wilford Warfstache which is the alter ego of Markiplier. I found Mark way before I found Jack. I love them both.

I never take this bracelet off. It reminds me of what these guys stand for and that I should keep being strong. Things get me down sometimes and I see the bracelet and smile. When I come home it glows in the garage to help me find my way and I feel comforted. Most of all these guys made me laugh when I was too hurt to bother and they themselves were hurting but worked through the pain to keep doing awesome stuff. 

If you like these blog posts hit the Follow button.... LIKE A BOSS! and I will see you in the next video!!! Byebye!

Fluteplayer777 out!

My Thoughts at the Present Time

Everyday I think.
I am human. We all think.
I often it and people watch. I sit and wonder, "What is he thinking about? What does she have on her mind? Is she thinking about her kids or her ailing father?"

The fact remains, someone somewhere is thinking of you. This brings me to a poem I found years ago.
Somewhere there's someone that dreams of your smile,
and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile.
So when you are lonely, remember its true.
Somebody somewhere is thinking of you.
-Unknown

I get lonely and depressed sometimes. For some people this can be a deadly combination. For me the feeling does pass eventually. I think everyone gets lonely but other times it is true depression that darkens their world. The above poem reminds me that I have multiple lights in the darkness. God, Friends, Family, synagogue, and other people that I was a light to at one point or another. I have a reason to press on. Be Strong. Giving up is a cowards choice and I refuse to let the credits roll early (Ryan Magee said that in his last Cyndago Vlog. )

Fluteplayer777 out!

Can't Sleep....Music on the Mind....

I am thinking about doing some of my own arrangements on the channel.

I have three more pieces nearing completion. I will still be doing the Concert Series. In addition to all of this I got an idea I have not seen before.
I plan to do a blooper reel with a clapper board that says KLUTZ on it. So fitting. More on that another time.
In the next couple of days I plan to update my Blog with 4 new Blog posts that I wrote down but did not have time to type up.

In other news  I added a Donate link to my Youtube channel for all that want to support my efforts.

Much much later down the line I would love to do a charity live stream to bring music back to schools.

I will look into that but for now I bloom where I am planted so to speak.

Fluteplayer777 out!