Promise Ring: What does it mean to me?

Okay, so what is a promise ring and what does it mean? What is the promise?

Basically, a promise ring, also known as a purity ring is a symbol of a promise to remain abstinent until marriage. It is normally tied to the Christian faith but I have met people that decided this was the path they wanted, regardless of religion.

Let me start from my beginning. All through high school and college I attended a Messianic Synagogue. I was in the youth group too. There was a lot of talk about modesty. This came naturally to me but there was a time we talked about abstinence until marriage. I do not remember the exact time I learned about abstinence until marriage but it was shortly after that, I started wearing a ring. My ring was stolen in gym class and later that year my dad replaced it for me for graduation.

Anyways it was not until college that I started to really take thing seriously. I was never the type to sleep around either. I have been through my fair share of relationships and sexual temptations that followed but I never slept with anyone. Just to step back a little I was touched inappropriately when I was 15. I will not get into the details of it but he was a junior at my high school and it happened on school property. I was very aware of physical temptations after that. Then I nearly slept with my first serious boyfriend in college when I was 22.  I told him that I could not go through with it. It did not feel right and I am so glad I didn’t.

Shortly after graduation I remember going to a thrift store. In the glass case, I saw a sterling silver ring with a heart on it.

My promise ring today.

I immediately knew I wanted to replace my gold ring with this one because I don’t like yellow gold. Also I got my gold ring re-sized and a few years later I gained weight and could not wear it anymore. So the image above is the ring I currently wear. I even had to cut out a piece of the band to make sure it can expand with my finger. My hands have a bad habit of swelling up sometimes. For a few years, I didn’t wear it because of that.

Recently I made a huge decision to delete my dating profile and put my ring back on. This came about shortly after I watched Camp Rock and Camp Rock 2 and remembered the Jonas Brothers. So I Googled them and remembered the whole thing about their promise rings and the fact that they did not understand what it was about but were forced to wear the rings anyways. Well I do understand and I will keep my word.

The promise is more about self-respect and self-control.

I promise to remain pure until marriage. This is supposed to be a purity of body and mind but since we are all human beings and our bodies were made to feel things and our minds think things; this promise is more about self-control. As human beings we will make mistakes. I mean I messed around a little in college but the basis of my personal promise is to respect myself and not sleep around with every guy I date. That promise still stands.

All in good timing I will meet a guy that understand this and respects my decision. Until then, the world sees me as undatable because sex is not part of my relationships. I don’t care what the world says. 

My promise will stand for a long time.

-Melody

P.S. If anyone wants to reach out to me for further private discussion on this topic then please email me from my profile page.

What Does My Future Hold?

Well no one can predict the future.  I do have a vague idea of what the next year will look like. This is not set in stone or anything but I have had to make some serious decisions.

After this year I will no longer be doing the Alive After 5 events. There are many reasons. The main reason is that no one I invite shows up to these events because they are in the middle of the week and parking is confusing if I do not explain what to do. I just have no support for it anymore. This alone is very heartbreaking to me. One of the other reasons is that I only make about $10-$15 a night most nights. I used to make $50 a night on a good night. Many of the events this year were rained out also.

I may also do another search for orchestras that need flutists. I have auditioned for many orchestras but they just don't need flutists. Many up and coming high school kids are taking positions in community orchestras. I am not sure what is out there but hopefully I can look into other groups.

Starting the beginning of next year I will begin to record videos once a week (I am nearly done cleaning my office and nearly ready to make a recording space here). I may not put any of them out for a while but I want to get back into recording things. I am still wrapping my mind around the fact that Youtube is just not a career for me. I am turning it into a passionate hobby instead.

This blog will remain a huge part of my hobby and I will continue to write updates here as I go. I also plan to make a trip to Canada next year. I have always wanted to visit my friend there and enjoy Niagara Falls.

There is so much I want to do but I never seem to follow through or even get the opportunity to try. I am on a constant journey of self discovery. I think this blog is an excellent hobby for me to keep up with.

See you all in the next post,

Melody

Quick Update

Well as you probably noticed, I published my last post about a month ago. I am currently writing my next blog posts in batches.

I have a folder where I keep a bunch of blog brainstorms and then sit down and write them in further detail. Part 3 of Am I Really Making the Right Choices? will come out very soon. There is also some information about Jealousy that I want to write about too. Some of the things I am planning to write about do require some minor research, so bare with me on that. The Writing Prompts are also in my folder. I have not forgot about those. I will likely be ordering more of the same series to continue.

Today I want to talk about what is happening on YouTube and the in-depth reason that I will not be returning to that platform for a while. The Ad Sense issues are literally non-sense (pun intended).

I have not worked out a way to monetize my videos and I likely will not for a long time. The only ones that are eligible are the Teatime series and any vlogs that I do. None of those contain any copyrighted music so they should not be flagged at all. I do review some products and do un-boxings. Those are not sponsored and I do purchase them with my own money. These should not be flagged by the system either. On top of this, those videos do not get very many views at all so there is no sense in monetizing at this time. The only video on my channel that has over  1000 views is The Scientist by Coldplay that I did on the Flute. It has over 8000 views but the song is copyrighted so I can't monetize it for fear that I will be removed from YouTube. AdSense has a lot of issues but the main one is that advertisers are saying that some content is not advertiser friendly. For this reason, thousands of videos have been demonetized on all size channels. I do not want to fight an uphill battle with this problem. Until it is resolved, I can't return to YouTube. There may be other platform options but until then I am going to stick to this blog.

While on my 6-month hiatus, I did some serious introspection. I came to the stark realization that I was doing YouTube for all the wrong reasons. For me personally, it will never be a career like it is for the lucky few with millions of subs. This is a reality and not just me bashing myself. So as a result I have a new goal for the channel. It is a hobby that I enjoy doing on the side. I still have a regular job and everything but I still want to share music with people.

Lastly, I want to share with you all that I do have a new job. I am my own boss and have my own office. I work for someone but mostly I am free to think and do what I think is best for the business. As a result I do have a spare room that I can use as a recording space. When we get the suite cleaned up and organized, I will make the space a storage room with a recording corner. My gear will be kept in a plastic suitcase or trunk that I can get in and out of my car when I need my gear for practicing and recording. For the time being I plan to have regular practice sessions here in the office after work. We are nearing to the holiday season so I may be pretty busy but I plan to stay in the office some late nights regardless.

--Melody

Hiatus

A hiatus does not mean I am giving up on anything. I just need a break. Everything in my life has suddenly caved in on me and I need time to process it all. One thing at a time and one day at a time

I am having horrible luck with guys so that is on the back burner and that's okay. I am not worried about it. Love will happen when it happens. All in God's timing and God's will. Even if it doesn't happen, I will be okay. There is always an adventure out there for me to take alone.

Work has cut my hours down to an unlivable wage. I am so discouraged by that whole situation. People keep lying about me and it really hurts. I work so hard and it doesn't matter. No one sees and no one believes that I can do my job. Why do people have to be so hateful and tear people down? Lately I talk to God during my patrols. Its comforting.

Its comforting to know that He hears His child crying out. He sees when no one else does. God sees everything. I have that tiny comfort. Some days I ask myself why I even try so hard at everything I do. My life is precious and obviously God put me here for a purpose. Over the years I learned exactly what that purpose looks like.

I am a servant. I always look for ways to help. Some days I feel like the dust under peoples feet. I have been this way for as long as I could remember. I am a servant that serves unconditionally without expecting anything in return. I never say, "oh someone else will take care of it." I don't like it when people develop that attitude. Sometimes nothing gets done if someone doesn't step up to do it.

Maybe things will get better. Who knows?

I just hope I find a job soon.

Melody out!

I'm Back!!!

Lately I have been observing myself from another perspective.

Sometimes I am silly and goofy but other times I impress myself a little. I really have matured over the years. This is not a post about me. Trust me I am not a narcissist, but I just thought this would get you readers to think a bit. I have an interesting habit of challenging people to think. Sometimes it works; sometimes it blows up in my face. I think its a good thing.

It the last month 4 people have come to me and asked for my forgiveness for something that happened in the past. I am not one to hold a grudge but this struck me. I realized that with time passing I almost forgot what these people did to me. I have matured enough as a person to let things go. I was never really able to do that back when I was in school.

I used to get upset a lot too. When I lost a game or when plans changed all the sudden. I still get frustrated but I have learned to be more flexible. What was it that the Karate sensai say? Bend like grass with the wind. Flow like a river bending around every mountain. I found that life is more enjoyable when I am not so frustrated about things out of my control.

I promise, you guys, that I will be writing more posts very soon. I have just been busy being an adult and growing up. Its a shame my parents have not noticed a thing or they are just having trouble letting go of their only baby.

Fluteplayer777 out!

No One Will See This

A combination of things can break someone. Over the last 4 weeks I have been humbled again and again. Here is the Evidence:

-1 I was laid off a temp job.
+1 I met a really nice guy.
-1 Then the first week of the year I got in a car accident which totaled my car.
+1 I came out alive.
-1 Said guy only wanted to be friends
-2 Two of my closest friends are moving away.
-1 I can't find a job.

That brings the grand total to -4.

I am in a really dark place. What I don't understand is why everything I touch falls apart. The excuse could be bad timing but I think its more than that. In my pride I thought I could handle it but now I don't have anything at all.

+1 I have a roof over my head.
+1 I am healthy
+2 I have a room and a bed to sleep in.

This brings the grand total back to 0. Equilibrium.

I have splayed the evidence scientifically with +1 or -1 for good and bad things. My observations tell me that life has a way of balancing out. There always seems to be enough positive to balance out the negative. As Malcolm said in Jurassic Park, "Life finds a way"

One thing I have learned is to always have a plan B. Here goes more evidence.  Even though I do not have someone to join me now, I still plan on going for a couple hikes this summer. I honestly don't care that I will be alone. Even though I don't have a car, I still plan on taking walks and getting out for some fresh air. I honestly don't care that I will be alone. Just because I am alone, that doesn't mean I am lonely. :)

I may be in a perpetual valley, but I always seem to pick myself back up and keep going.

Fluteplayer777 out!

Back to the Beginning: A Reflection

I remember a time when one of my biggest fears was becoming an Adult.

I have always had one fear or another. A constant one is the fear of heights. Other fears change as I get older.

Well today after work I took myself back to that time. I stopped by one of the parking lots where I learned how to drive. I remember my fears and thoughts during that time. 9 years ago I faced the fear of becoming an adult along with the hope that once I got my licence I would become a little more independent. At the time I was still in college and just beginning that journey. The next January I got my Youtube channel.

I sat in my car this evening and cried. Then I got a sudden revelation. Look how far I have come since then!

I graduated University with a Bachelors Degree- Magna Cum Laude.
I paid off the car I am sitting in.
My Youtube channel is coming along.
My music has progressed beautifully.

On top of all this I have grown as a person and my faith is stronger than ever.

During this dry spell filled with darkness and depression I found a little light that reminded me that no matter what anyone else may say, I have changed and for the better.

It is so important to go back to the beginning in your memories. This provides a different point of view of your life from a past self perspective. The Kat that was 18 would be so proud of the Kat that I am now. She would also maybe want to do things differently. I would not change the past even if I could. Those battles made me stronger and left some scars to remember. I hope this revelation helps someone out there struggling with depression.

Fluteplayer777 out!

Depression and Social Media: My Thoughts

The main thing on my mind lately is social media!
Anxiety and depression are effected by this too.
I am on Blogger(Blogspot), Twitter, Instagram VK, Facebook, and Youtube, of course. It can be very hurtful at times and altogether overwhelming.
It starts with Anxiety.

"No one is responding, no one is watching, no one is reading,"

Those thoughts escalate quickly into depression.

"No one cares, no one likes you, you are wasting your time"

Then positivity tries to light the lantern of hope.

"You love playing music, writing and arranging. People have told you how talented you are"

Then depression takes its turn to speak.

"They are just being nice. what you do does not matter to anyone, why don't you quit." No! Never!

This is the thought process that a Youtuber, or any other social media user that has depression, face every day. The constant battle is exhausting. The external validation or lack there of, is what makes this cycle repeat itself.

Please, Have mercy on us and support the little people!

Oh! I got another subscriber!
Melody out!

New Idea!

Lately I have been getting some feedback from people about my channel.

One such comment was that I am not entertaining. I wanted to elaborate on that and share my thoughts about that comment. It was commented by one of my closest friends. It sort of hurt but then I got to thinking about it and I realized something.

Youtube is not my first priority. 

I have so much going on right now. I work full time. I am working on a few arrangement projects. I am busy with my synagogue. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week. My birthday is coming up. Let's face it, I am one busy lady. 

I still plan to stick with Youtube but I need to do things differently and learn how to edit my videos. I am going to try out Filmora and see how that works. I plan to add a blooper reel with a clapper board to make it fun. I am still doing the concert series but with less talking. I plan to prepare more videos ahead of time. I also have like 6-10 videos waiting to be uploaded. 

I know there is a lot to work on and improve on but it all happens very slowly. I appreciate how much time it takes to do Youtube. I did not understand just how much work goes into this. Now that I understand I need to plan accordingly. Once the holidays are over I should have a better schedule of things. For right now one video a week is as good as I can do and this should be good enough. 

As far as my friends comment is concerned, I don't really care. My channel will evolve as time goes on and I will become a better musician in the process. In the end I do Youtube and music for me. I do it for my sanity. It is my anti-depressant. If I can share my gift with just one person then I have achieved my basic goal.

If anyone has any ideas or comments please feel free to try to reach out to me. Constructive criticism is always welcome but bashing and bullying is not allowed on any of my social media pages/profiles/channel.

Fluteplayer777 out!

New Setup and other news.

I have a new bed in my room so my desk was downsized. I am loving my new room. However this will require some adjusting to make room for recording.

I am working on 5 other pieces so I won't be recording much. I still should post my older videos.

Here is the most recent.

https://youtu.be/xHuH7jnyek0

Enjoy and I will see you guys soon.

Youtube.com/Fluteplayer777 Share and Subscribe

Byebye