Manipulation: A story

I have just faced manipulation for the first time in my life. Most of the time I only heard about it happening to other people. Thankfully I am strong enough that it does not effect me. I stand by what I believe is right. Let me tell you a story that might help someone in a similar situation. No names shall be used here.

Let me start from the beginning. I am on a dating site. I know what you are thinking. This is a breeding ground for those kinds of people. Well I put in place a strict screening process. Most of the time I block guys that are completely not a match at all. Abs and indecent exposure runs rampant but I made the filters screen out those guys too. Sadly a manipulator got through my screening process. I did go to meet him.

I met up with him at a board game convention (this detail is very important). It was really nice to finally re-connect with my old friends from the board gaming community. The fact that I had a date with one was really awesome. I had a great time. The first thing that really annoyed me was that he used sarcasm in every sentence. He embarrassed me in front of my friends by calling attention to my flaws. I laughed it off as best I could. At that point I was debating about coming back the next night after work.

The next night there were more events at the convention so I asked him if he wanted me to come back. He texted me, "Sure I guess" Then proceeded to ask me if we were going to start dating. (I have only been out with him once! Whats the rush?). I explained that I did not want to lead him on at all but I did not want to rush into anything and I would just rather be friends. I had my reasons for not wanting to date him. That was my choice, not to be taken personally. Well he was naturally very frustrated that I had said I would not date him because he is not a believer, among other things.

Later that night we talked until 3am. We went over a ton of topics. I came to figure out that we disagree on just about everything else including religion and politics. I told him that even if I were to put religion aside, we do not have anything else in common, except board games. I ended the conversation because it was late and my dad was really worried for my safety. He walked me to my car. He tried to hug me multiple times and I kept pushing away. He hugged me again and then kissed me. It was late and I was tired but I knew this felt very wrong. He texted me the next day. I said the kiss was awkward and my answer was no. I will not date him. He replied. "It was awkward because you did not kiss me back"

A few days pass and he texted me just to say hi and then I did not hear from him for weeks.

Last night I got some texts from him. He asked how I was. Then he asked if I had any luck on the dating site. I said I did not want to talk about it. He said, "About what?" It was obvious what I was referring to but I elaborated saying that I had messaged a few guys that were excellent matches but no meet ups yet. We talked about a few board games we learned and then suddenly he said this. "I don't know why I even texted you. You used me. " I asked how and he said that I used him to meet up with other gamers. I said I already knew those people and that he should leave me alone. He said, "I'm trying"

During this whole time he would use phases like, "You don't even like me so why are you talking to me." To me this was my red flag. At first everything seems great and fun. But then paranoia sets in. Manipulation is so hard to spot sometimes. With the above phrase he could make some girl feel bad for rejecting him and start dating him but then dump him. Sometimes I am afraid that if I go to the next board game convention that he might try to hurt me. I have a contingency plan for that when the time comes.

I do not want someone to hurt me because they got rejected. I think I escaped this just in time. I plan to block his number from contacting me. I should not have to live in fear because I rejected someone.

My philosophy is that if you get knocked down, you get back up again and move on to something else. Something better.

Fluteplayer777 out!

Cyberbullying: Please stop!

I keep going through this type of thing. I am not sure what can be done. I have tried to take my own advice from my previous post about this. Blocking is the only solution. Most of my so-called friends do not stand up for others in their own comment sections on the things that they post. Its sad. This should be a first defence.

I have been told that I am flat out wrong and I got all offended and now am playing the victim. Its not true. I also asked him to stop 3 times. When someone won't stop attacking you then you know this is a cyber bully. The fastest way to make it stop is to hit that report and block button.

My friend may never do anything about it but I took a stand and blocked the bully.

There is a huge difference between hurt and offense!!!

This kind of thing will never happen on my comment sections. I do not allow people to get hurt on my threads and social media pages. Its not ok. If it happens send me a message and I will take a stand.

Lets all take a stand on our own social media pages and take a moment to stop a cyberbully from hurting someone.

Fluteplayer777 out!

I'm Back!!!

Lately I have been observing myself from another perspective.

Sometimes I am silly and goofy but other times I impress myself a little. I really have matured over the years. This is not a post about me. Trust me I am not a narcissist, but I just thought this would get you readers to think a bit. I have an interesting habit of challenging people to think. Sometimes it works; sometimes it blows up in my face. I think its a good thing.

It the last month 4 people have come to me and asked for my forgiveness for something that happened in the past. I am not one to hold a grudge but this struck me. I realized that with time passing I almost forgot what these people did to me. I have matured enough as a person to let things go. I was never really able to do that back when I was in school.

I used to get upset a lot too. When I lost a game or when plans changed all the sudden. I still get frustrated but I have learned to be more flexible. What was it that the Karate sensai say? Bend like grass with the wind. Flow like a river bending around every mountain. I found that life is more enjoyable when I am not so frustrated about things out of my control.

I promise, you guys, that I will be writing more posts very soon. I have just been busy being an adult and growing up. Its a shame my parents have not noticed a thing or they are just having trouble letting go of their only baby.

Fluteplayer777 out!

Youtubers are People too...

Recently a few Youtubers responded to my comments on their videos. Most responses were very nice. But a couple of times I was really embarrassed.

One of my favorite Youtubers is Jacksepticeye. He has an awesome game commentary style and is overall a really cool video personality. I really enjoy his videos. Sometimes he answers comments. While this is really great, it can be very hard to respond to comments in a respectful way. Of course no one is perfect. He has responded twice and both times I was embarrassed of what I wrote. He is definitely someone we all look up to. Shame is my immediate reaction to that comment response.

Here's the thing. Many people including myself comment before a video is over or wander into the comments section. I am guilty of that. Sometimes I am sitting there screaming at my screen and then a comment would be written without even thinking about it. I never mean to be annoying or obvious. Maybe I am over thinking it but I am very glad that he and others still respond to comments. I guess I will watch what I say.

In addition to this I got a response from PatrckStatic. He is uber cool. I also got a 1+ on a comment from a famous makeup artist.

As my rant comes to a close, I just want to say this: People will comment. Please be mindful of what you say when you respond. I certainly will be mindful of both my comments and my responses. Most of all, be as respectful as you can.

Fluteplayer777 out!

No One Will See This

A combination of things can break someone. Over the last 4 weeks I have been humbled again and again. Here is the Evidence:

-1 I was laid off a temp job.
+1 I met a really nice guy.
-1 Then the first week of the year I got in a car accident which totaled my car.
+1 I came out alive.
-1 Said guy only wanted to be friends
-2 Two of my closest friends are moving away.
-1 I can't find a job.

That brings the grand total to -4.

I am in a really dark place. What I don't understand is why everything I touch falls apart. The excuse could be bad timing but I think its more than that. In my pride I thought I could handle it but now I don't have anything at all.

+1 I have a roof over my head.
+1 I am healthy
+2 I have a room and a bed to sleep in.

This brings the grand total back to 0. Equilibrium.

I have splayed the evidence scientifically with +1 or -1 for good and bad things. My observations tell me that life has a way of balancing out. There always seems to be enough positive to balance out the negative. As Malcolm said in Jurassic Park, "Life finds a way"

One thing I have learned is to always have a plan B. Here goes more evidence.  Even though I do not have someone to join me now, I still plan on going for a couple hikes this summer. I honestly don't care that I will be alone. Even though I don't have a car, I still plan on taking walks and getting out for some fresh air. I honestly don't care that I will be alone. Just because I am alone, that doesn't mean I am lonely. :)

I may be in a perpetual valley, but I always seem to pick myself back up and keep going.

Fluteplayer777 out!