Promise Ring: What does it mean to me?

Okay, so what is a promise ring and what does it mean? What is the promise?

Basically, a promise ring, also known as a purity ring is a symbol of a promise to remain abstinent until marriage. It is normally tied to the Christian faith but I have met people that decided this was the path they wanted, regardless of religion.

Let me start from my beginning. All through high school and college I attended a Messianic Synagogue. I was in the youth group too. There was a lot of talk about modesty. This came naturally to me but there was a time we talked about abstinence until marriage. I do not remember the exact time I learned about abstinence until marriage but it was shortly after that, I started wearing a ring. My ring was stolen in gym class and later that year my dad replaced it for me for graduation.

Anyways it was not until college that I started to really take thing seriously. I was never the type to sleep around either. I have been through my fair share of relationships and sexual temptations that followed but I never slept with anyone. Just to step back a little I was touched inappropriately when I was 15. I will not get into the details of it but he was a junior at my high school and it happened on school property. I was very aware of physical temptations after that. Then I nearly slept with my first serious boyfriend in college when I was 22.  I told him that I could not go through with it. It did not feel right and I am so glad I didn’t.

Shortly after graduation I remember going to a thrift store. In the glass case, I saw a sterling silver ring with a heart on it.

My promise ring today.

I immediately knew I wanted to replace my gold ring with this one because I don’t like yellow gold. Also I got my gold ring re-sized and a few years later I gained weight and could not wear it anymore. So the image above is the ring I currently wear. I even had to cut out a piece of the band to make sure it can expand with my finger. My hands have a bad habit of swelling up sometimes. For a few years, I didn’t wear it because of that.

Recently I made a huge decision to delete my dating profile and put my ring back on. This came about shortly after I watched Camp Rock and Camp Rock 2 and remembered the Jonas Brothers. So I Googled them and remembered the whole thing about their promise rings and the fact that they did not understand what it was about but were forced to wear the rings anyways. Well I do understand and I will keep my word.

The promise is more about self-respect and self-control.

I promise to remain pure until marriage. This is supposed to be a purity of body and mind but since we are all human beings and our bodies were made to feel things and our minds think things; this promise is more about self-control. As human beings we will make mistakes. I mean I messed around a little in college but the basis of my personal promise is to respect myself and not sleep around with every guy I date. That promise still stands.

All in good timing I will meet a guy that understand this and respects my decision. Until then, the world sees me as undatable because sex is not part of my relationships. I don’t care what the world says. 

My promise will stand for a long time.

-Melody

P.S. If anyone wants to reach out to me for further private discussion on this topic then please email me from my profile page.

Dating and the Online World

Online you can be anything you want to be. You can be an Opera singer in the Entertainment Industry or a Famous Youtuber. Sometimes we stretch the truth to make ourselves look more amazing than we are. This is not something you want to do on purpose.

I strive for truthfulness and honesty. I do not want to make myself into something I am not. I have been on this unnamed dating site for a little over 2 years and I run into this problem more times than you can count. I personally write things that are completely true but when I read them I can see how any of those statements can be over analyzed. I do list that I play music and do Youtube but I quickly clarify that those are hobbies and that I do have a job and a car and take care of myself for the most part.

I saw a guy once that wrote that he wanted to be a professional musician or a scientist of some kind. I start talking to them and quickly figure out that this is a goal of theirs and they have not achieved it yet. One such case involved a guy that wrote that he wanted to be a professional Opera singer. He was also legally blind (partially sighted). Great, I thought, I could get my very own Andrea Botticelli. I went on 2 dates with him and I was sorely disappointed when he was not a professional level singer and also put on his Facebook that he was in the Entertainment Industry. That was not entirely true. I was also caught by surprise when he told me his family covers all his expenses while he peruses his dreams. This to me was a huge red flag.

Bottom line, I am not willing to carry a grown man on my financial shoulders, nor would I ever feel comfortable living on someone else's family money. I decided to interview a couple that included a sighted woman and a blind man. I asked them about my situation and how they made it work. It turns out the man was completely blind and he used the Center for the Visually Impaired and has a job and a way to support his wife. It was possible to have a relationship with a blind person as long as they pulled their weight and it was completely possible for someone with any level of impairment to do that. However the couple made me painfully aware that it is very likely that this Opera singer would likely stay in his financial arrangement forever. I asked Opera singer about this and he said he was not happy with his arrangement. But I knew deep inside that he was just telling me something to make me stay. A hope that he would change. I know better than that.

I would say that I am far from perfect but I have my life together in a manner of speaking. I do still live with my family but for a couple of specific reasons. I just got out of college not long ago and my mother is the only bread winner in the family and she needs my help. I pay my mother rent each month. On top of that I pay for my credit card and car payments and put away money in my savings account. I would say I am doing the best I can in the situation I am in right now. I have a full-time job right now. I have IBS but I still function each day. My parents do not give me money. They have taught me that I have to get on my feet and do what it takes to survive.

Anyways I am going to pay some bills and go have some fun.
Melody out!

Manipulation: A story

I have just faced manipulation for the first time in my life. Most of the time I only heard about it happening to other people. Thankfully I am strong enough that it does not effect me. I stand by what I believe is right. Let me tell you a story that might help someone in a similar situation. No names shall be used here.

Let me start from the beginning. I am on a dating site. I know what you are thinking. This is a breeding ground for those kinds of people. Well I put in place a strict screening process. Most of the time I block guys that are completely not a match at all. Abs and indecent exposure runs rampant but I made the filters screen out those guys too. Sadly a manipulator got through my screening process. I did go to meet him.

I met up with him at a board game convention (this detail is very important). It was really nice to finally re-connect with my old friends from the board gaming community. The fact that I had a date with one was really awesome. I had a great time. The first thing that really annoyed me was that he used sarcasm in every sentence. He embarrassed me in front of my friends by calling attention to my flaws. I laughed it off as best I could. At that point I was debating about coming back the next night after work.

The next night there were more events at the convention so I asked him if he wanted me to come back. He texted me, "Sure I guess" Then proceeded to ask me if we were going to start dating. (I have only been out with him once! Whats the rush?). I explained that I did not want to lead him on at all but I did not want to rush into anything and I would just rather be friends. I had my reasons for not wanting to date him. That was my choice, not to be taken personally. Well he was naturally very frustrated that I had said I would not date him because he is not a believer, among other things.

Later that night we talked until 3am. We went over a ton of topics. I came to figure out that we disagree on just about everything else including religion and politics. I told him that even if I were to put religion aside, we do not have anything else in common, except board games. I ended the conversation because it was late and my dad was really worried for my safety. He walked me to my car. He tried to hug me multiple times and I kept pushing away. He hugged me again and then kissed me. It was late and I was tired but I knew this felt very wrong. He texted me the next day. I said the kiss was awkward and my answer was no. I will not date him. He replied. "It was awkward because you did not kiss me back"

A few days pass and he texted me just to say hi and then I did not hear from him for weeks.

Last night I got some texts from him. He asked how I was. Then he asked if I had any luck on the dating site. I said I did not want to talk about it. He said, "About what?" It was obvious what I was referring to but I elaborated saying that I had messaged a few guys that were excellent matches but no meet ups yet. We talked about a few board games we learned and then suddenly he said this. "I don't know why I even texted you. You used me. " I asked how and he said that I used him to meet up with other gamers. I said I already knew those people and that he should leave me alone. He said, "I'm trying"

During this whole time he would use phases like, "You don't even like me so why are you talking to me." To me this was my red flag. At first everything seems great and fun. But then paranoia sets in. Manipulation is so hard to spot sometimes. With the above phrase he could make some girl feel bad for rejecting him and start dating him but then dump him. Sometimes I am afraid that if I go to the next board game convention that he might try to hurt me. I have a contingency plan for that when the time comes.

I do not want someone to hurt me because they got rejected. I think I escaped this just in time. I plan to block his number from contacting me. I should not have to live in fear because I rejected someone.

My philosophy is that if you get knocked down, you get back up again and move on to something else. Something better.

Fluteplayer777 out!