I'm Back!!!

Lately I have been observing myself from another perspective.

Sometimes I am silly and goofy but other times I impress myself a little. I really have matured over the years. This is not a post about me. Trust me I am not a narcissist, but I just thought this would get you readers to think a bit. I have an interesting habit of challenging people to think. Sometimes it works; sometimes it blows up in my face. I think its a good thing.

It the last month 4 people have come to me and asked for my forgiveness for something that happened in the past. I am not one to hold a grudge but this struck me. I realized that with time passing I almost forgot what these people did to me. I have matured enough as a person to let things go. I was never really able to do that back when I was in school.

I used to get upset a lot too. When I lost a game or when plans changed all the sudden. I still get frustrated but I have learned to be more flexible. What was it that the Karate sensai say? Bend like grass with the wind. Flow like a river bending around every mountain. I found that life is more enjoyable when I am not so frustrated about things out of my control.

I promise, you guys, that I will be writing more posts very soon. I have just been busy being an adult and growing up. Its a shame my parents have not noticed a thing or they are just having trouble letting go of their only baby.

Fluteplayer777 out!

Youtubers are People too...

Recently a few Youtubers responded to my comments on their videos. Most responses were very nice. But a couple of times I was really embarrassed.

One of my favorite Youtubers is Jacksepticeye. He has an awesome game commentary style and is overall a really cool video personality. I really enjoy his videos. Sometimes he answers comments. While this is really great, it can be very hard to respond to comments in a respectful way. Of course no one is perfect. He has responded twice and both times I was embarrassed of what I wrote. He is definitely someone we all look up to. Shame is my immediate reaction to that comment response.

Here's the thing. Many people including myself comment before a video is over or wander into the comments section. I am guilty of that. Sometimes I am sitting there screaming at my screen and then a comment would be written without even thinking about it. I never mean to be annoying or obvious. Maybe I am over thinking it but I am very glad that he and others still respond to comments. I guess I will watch what I say.

In addition to this I got a response from PatrckStatic. He is uber cool. I also got a 1+ on a comment from a famous makeup artist.

As my rant comes to a close, I just want to say this: People will comment. Please be mindful of what you say when you respond. I certainly will be mindful of both my comments and my responses. Most of all, be as respectful as you can.

Fluteplayer777 out!

No One Will See This

A combination of things can break someone. Over the last 4 weeks I have been humbled again and again. Here is the Evidence:

-1 I was laid off a temp job.
+1 I met a really nice guy.
-1 Then the first week of the year I got in a car accident which totaled my car.
+1 I came out alive.
-1 Said guy only wanted to be friends
-2 Two of my closest friends are moving away.
-1 I can't find a job.

That brings the grand total to -4.

I am in a really dark place. What I don't understand is why everything I touch falls apart. The excuse could be bad timing but I think its more than that. In my pride I thought I could handle it but now I don't have anything at all.

+1 I have a roof over my head.
+1 I am healthy
+2 I have a room and a bed to sleep in.

This brings the grand total back to 0. Equilibrium.

I have splayed the evidence scientifically with +1 or -1 for good and bad things. My observations tell me that life has a way of balancing out. There always seems to be enough positive to balance out the negative. As Malcolm said in Jurassic Park, "Life finds a way"

One thing I have learned is to always have a plan B. Here goes more evidence.  Even though I do not have someone to join me now, I still plan on going for a couple hikes this summer. I honestly don't care that I will be alone. Even though I don't have a car, I still plan on taking walks and getting out for some fresh air. I honestly don't care that I will be alone. Just because I am alone, that doesn't mean I am lonely. :)

I may be in a perpetual valley, but I always seem to pick myself back up and keep going.

Fluteplayer777 out!

I love Lucy...my car!

Friday January 9^th I was in a car accident that took my most valuable possession: my car, Lucy. With that my whole world crumbled around me. I have nothing left but my faith and my health. Of course I still have a place to sleep and a roof over my head. I am grateful for that too.

Today I am hurting all over. Today I am humbled. With everything gone I am forced to start from square one. It’s like I am back in time. Back when I was kicked out of Lab school. I was so sure that I was meant to be there. For the next three months I was lost. I had no clue what was next. Then I picked myself back up and went back to school. I think I can do the same here.

It’s interesting. I had my car and a job but no boyfriend and now it’s the opposite. No car, no job but I am sort of seeing someone. I have no clue what God is doing but I think it will be better when this all balances out. That is all I want: stability and certainty.

So I took a walk.  I went down to the giant parking lot where I learned how to drive. Naturally I broke down. Then I went into the church where they held the Baccalaureate service for my high school graduation. I sat there for about 10 minutes. Praying and reflecting. I came to the realization that maybe God doesn’t think I can balance it all right now. I guess He had to humble me and break me to make me understand that. He wants me happy but balanced on His terms.

This is just my thoughts on all this. I will be recording a video for this week.

Fluteplayer777 out! -Melody

Insomnia: Not the Videogame

Hey guys! Blog time.

For the second night in a row, I am up until nearly 2am. I have no idea why but this happens sometimes. Also I have not written a blog in a really long time.

So here goes. My mind is inundated with thoughts everyday. So much sits on my mind. Sometimes I bury it in the back of my mind.

I am hoping that my temp position will become permanent. I love my job. My friend texted me after my internal interview and said that I deserve certainty in my life. God, that is an understatement. My life has always been unstable and uncertain. Its upsetting sometimes but I would like to think that I have enough trust in God that everything will work out somehow. 

Another common topic floating in my mind is my music and Youtube. I just started a new project. I am going to learn 38 new pieces of music between now and next years audition in August. I am hoping that studying some French composers might help me develop more skill and control over my musical ability.

Have you ever heard of the story of the two farmers?

There was a drought in the land and both of them desperately needed rain. Both of them prayed for rain. But only one prepared his fields to receive it.

Which one trusted God more?
The one that prepared his fields.

God will bring the rain when He's ready. You must prepare your fields to receive it.

Fluteplayer777 out!