Mental Health and my Money War

A few years ago, while I was still in college, I was having major issues in all aspects of my life. I convinced my mom that I needed help and I needed medication. I tried that for about 2 years but I never had a therapist. The medication worked but I was always in a fog. It was not antidepressants but rather mood stabilizers. Toward the end of this treatment, Obamacare kicked in and I turned 26 all at once. I lost insurance coverage and ended up losing the medication too. It all boiled down to money. I also had a rough couple months after that. I did manage to graduate college with flying colors,

A few years later I got married and got insurance and decided to get help again. It was a disaster but this time it shook me to the core.

I found a local therapist through a friend of mine. I thought it would be great to just talk to someone. After my last round of getting help I vowed to never return to any kind of medication at all. I have no trouble talking about my problems. Even with complete strangers. I just need to work things out sometimes. 

Anyways, I only visited this office one and a half times. The first visit was part one of an assessment of my mental condition and she suggested a book on People Pleasing Syndrome (I am wiling to accept this explanation for some of my problems ). The second time I didn't get a full session. I was informed that my insurance won't cover the therapist even though they said they accept our insurance. I called my insurance and found out they were out of network. That was my first battle. 

Next I had to figure out what I owed the therapists office. I got a bill in the mail for $155(I don't remember the exact amount). I had to submit my pay stubs from the month I visited to prove I only had one paycheck that month and have them put me on a sliding scale. I ended up paying $5. But still this whole situation troubled me. What would have happened if my income was too high for the sliding scale? How would I afford treatment then? The answer is I would owe the full amount and drop out of treatment which could have ill effects on my mental state. Some how I came out ok.

Every time someone is struggling, their friends and family say, "get some help" or "go talk to someone". It is apparent that its not that simple. My husband even says he can't begin to understand what I am going through. He has never had the issues I have. His situation is irrelevant to the story. He's right and that's OK. He loves me and that is all that matters. My issues are mine to deal with and it helps that he will hug me until the pain goes away. Sometimes it comes back but I have learned some self soothing to make it easier to bare everything and to keep pressing on. I have a reason to stick around. Even though he says he doesn't need my help for much of anything, I still need to do something or I feel inadequate.

On a positive note, I was able to download a copy of the book she suggested and began studying it and figuring myself out. Yes I aim to please and it makes me feel amazing to be able to help someone. This is why my job at the grocery store is so important to my mental health. Most of my customers are so sweet and I will miss them. Staying home for two months drove me crazy. I cleaned the house for the millionth time. It made me feel very very bad. A job helps keep you sane sometimes. 

Melody out!