DnD and Character Building IRL

Hey readers,

I will preface this by saying that I started playing Dungeons and Dragons in 2019. My husband introduced me. This game would quickly become a family favorite and a regular date night early in our marriage. I have had so many amazing moments and made some lifelong friends along the way.

Character building is the first step to playing this wonderful game. It involves picking different attributes and building a creature all your own. Unique motives, fears, ideals and goals. Just as unique as each of us are. The same concept can be applied to real life and help you grow as a person too.

My most recent table has been really great. We have had our ups and downs but the DM has a secret mission to help us on a personal level.

Last session we ended up falling down a hole and swapping bodies with a fellow party member. Then we found ourselves sucked into a sort of game show in an effort to regain our bodies. I have to say this took me by surprise and it was very upsetting. I was not prepared to play my friends character and potentially risk killing him or getting his item or something taken away. My anxiety hit the roof but the DM said "Look just go with it". After some fussing I said ok lets give this a try. My friend said he would help me with things if I help him because neither of us has played the other's class before. I was a Cleric and now playing a Monk and vise versa. He doesn't like playing spell casters and was a little surprised by this turn of events too but we went with it. Low and behold it was actually kind of fun. This was a major lesson in Role Playing too. Something a new player in our group struggled with. He had to play a different character than his own and he wasn't sure how to role play. There was also a language barrier a little bit as he sometimes didn't understand English. I helped when I could. Toward the end of the session a lot of hilarity ensued and we laughed so hard.

I cherish those kinds of memories.

Afterwards the DM and I talked things over and I apologized for exploding and he apologized for nearly cussing me out. To be fair I can be hard to handle at times. I freely admit that and am trying to work on it. He understands that and also said he was trying to get me to relax and face some of my fears and insecurities. I admire that a lot. One too many DMs have just dismissed me and said they didn't want to deal with conflicts and made me leave the group. But not this guy. He insists on talking things through until we all come to an understanding. This kind of action is excellent for Therapy DnD because you learn something about yourself and go on to be better. That is my goal all along; To be a better person than I was yesterday. I will admit that's no easy task. Easier said than done as the saying goes. I still strive for that but now I don't go so hard on myself about it when I fail. I am human after all.

DnD has touched my life in ways that I would have never imagined. Somehow I can apply it to all of life and teach my daughter the importance of character building, both for the game and for your real life.

You character speaks volumes but so does your Elf Cleric that loves to heal people but now has to be stuck in the body of a Kobold Monk that can Shadowstep.

-Melody

Update time!

Hello readers, 

So much has happened since I last touched this blog back in 2020. 

I moved, got a dog and had a baby girl. What a whirlwind the last years have been. Regretfully I have also decided not to do the YouTube channel. I had a blast with it but it is a lot more work than anyone will tell you. But I digress. I will still play my flute from time to time but mostly for myself and not for anyone else to hear.

I learned so much about myself and my new title of Mom. Mother's Day has taken on a whole new meaning for me because being a mom is the hardest but most rewarding job I have ever done. Your job truly never ends. All the clichés are true to a T. It really is always go go go, call this, schedule that and keep everything running smoothly. I feel great when I am productive and getting things done. I don't feel so great when its all hitting brick walls and the chores don't get done and the list goes on. 

In just the last year I have learned the sheer amount of patience and love you have to have for the little being that needs you so much. When she is sitting there giggling at something my heart swells. When she is screaming her head off all I want to do is make it better and comfort her somehow. Some days its all medical appointments and she doesn't like it. I genuinely hope she doesn't remember any of this part of her life because I don't want her resenting me for it later. Its a long story but hopefully she will grow up healthy and happy and all of this will pass. 

My biggest piece of advice is to take it one day at a time because tomorrow has troubles of its own. (Matthew 6:34).

Happy Mothers Day!🎕💗

-Melody

Writing Prompt #19

Do you think government officials are concerned enough about the needs of young people? How can young people make their voices heard?

No. There is more work to do still.

Back when I was in grade school, there weren't as many major issues as there are today. Bullying was probably the worst of it. No one ever heard about family issues but I'm sure those happened quietly behind closed doors. Today young people are bombarded by family problems, depression, sexuality issues and political turmoil, both here in the US and abroad. On top of that there is the usual stress with school and work (if you are in college).

The family unit has vastly changed just in the last decade. More and more couples are divorced. Sometimes there is no father figure. Depression is on the rise. Anxiety is a common issue too. Sexuality and gender identity are also a common thing youth stress about. As if figuring your self out is not already hard enough. Politics directs how they are supposed to think. Youth no longer follow in the footsteps of their forefathers and family members. School is stressful as it is but the above issues compound everything else.

I feel the government does not provide easy access to the necessary services to deal with everything. Many fall through the cracks so to speak. As an adult I find it next to impossible to get help, even with insurance.

Fast forward to 2022. 

I had to call 30 therapists to find 3 in my insurance network and 2 were not accepting new patients. And then there was 1. I tried that one for 5 or 6 sessions and felt like I was talking to a parrot. The Rogerian method is not for everyone. Its still hard to find the help you need. Medication alone is not always the answer. The main idea is to be on medications for 6 months while going through therapy and then wean off when you learn to think differently. But that's a topic for another day.

Melody out!

Gym Membership: Is it really worth it?

I have had two short stints at this gym in my lifetime. I went to other gyms but that was also temporary.

My first experience I was there for over a year. I lost 10 lbs and found an exercise regimen that I really liked. I absolutely loved the 30 minute circuit. Yes, you guessed correctly, I went to Planet Fitness. I was there long enough to say it is a great starter gym. There are some pros and cons to consider but I will mostly speak on my own needs against what this gym had to offer. 

First the pros. It has all the machines you could ever need. It also has some free weights and weight specific machines. It also has a separate area for the 30 minute circuit. In this area you do machines alternating with floor and step exercises totaling a half an hour. There are also an army of various cardio machines hooked up to TVs. I always enjoyed my warm up and cool downs while watching some show. Another favorite was the water massage bed. I loved that because I have a bad back and it helped reduce the tension after a workout. For those that wanted they have sun tanning and an all over body exercise machine that vibrates your whole body. Those last few were not my thing. There is also one free session with a personal trainer that will do a fitness test and help you get on track to meet your goals. Most amenities here are amazing its just the staffing and inconsistency with the rules that I have an issue with.

The cons are few but important. Firstly individual gyms are franchise owned basically. So this means not all of them follow the company rules and the rules do not apply equally. My main example of this is the dress code. A pregnant lady was recently kicked out for her shirt not covering her belly entirely. For this reason I recently cancelled my membership. As a woman I wouldn't want to be treated like that. On the opposite end they say that muscle shirts are not allowed but I used to see guys wearing them all the time. Next, this brings me to my past experience and why I quit then. An employee was cleaning the locker rooms and when he was done with the men's side he proceeded to call into the women's side and ask if anyone was in there. I explained that it was me and one other person in the showers and to please wait. I was half dressed and he peeked in to the locker room. I yelled at him to get out. I immediately reported this to management but I am not sure if anything was done about him. I just know that after that I quit and did not return for a few years. I was understandably traumatized. My point with that story is that they also don't always have the staff to effectively run the place. A female associate would not have bothered me.

I have done some tours at other establishments but for some reason the other ones didn't quite meet my needs. It is also a waste of money if you are new to gyms and are not sure which one you want. At the end of the day gyms are a business and can work for some but not for others. My advise is to be cautious and follow your gut. 

Melody Out!

Mental Health and my Money War

A few years ago, while I was still in college, I was having major issues in all aspects of my life. I convinced my mom that I needed help and I needed medication. I tried that for about 2 years but I never had a therapist. The medication worked but I was always in a fog. It was not antidepressants but rather mood stabilizers. Toward the end of this treatment, Obamacare kicked in and I turned 26 all at once. I lost insurance coverage and ended up losing the medication too. It all boiled down to money. I also had a rough couple months after that. I did manage to graduate college with flying colors,

A few years later I got married and got insurance and decided to get help again. It was a disaster but this time it shook me to the core.

I found a local therapist through a friend of mine. I thought it would be great to just talk to someone. After my last round of getting help I vowed to never return to any kind of medication at all. I have no trouble talking about my problems. Even with complete strangers. I just need to work things out sometimes. 

Anyways, I only visited this office one and a half times. The first visit was part one of an assessment of my mental condition and she suggested a book on People Pleasing Syndrome (I am wiling to accept this explanation for some of my problems ). The second time I didn't get a full session. I was informed that my insurance won't cover the therapist even though they said they accept our insurance. I called my insurance and found out they were out of network. That was my first battle. 

Next I had to figure out what I owed the therapists office. I got a bill in the mail for $155(I don't remember the exact amount). I had to submit my pay stubs from the month I visited to prove I only had one paycheck that month and have them put me on a sliding scale. I ended up paying $5. But still this whole situation troubled me. What would have happened if my income was too high for the sliding scale? How would I afford treatment then? The answer is I would owe the full amount and drop out of treatment which could have ill effects on my mental state. Some how I came out ok.

Every time someone is struggling, their friends and family say, "get some help" or "go talk to someone". It is apparent that its not that simple. My husband even says he can't begin to understand what I am going through. He has never had the issues I have. His situation is irrelevant to the story. He's right and that's OK. He loves me and that is all that matters. My issues are mine to deal with and it helps that he will hug me until the pain goes away. Sometimes it comes back but I have learned some self soothing to make it easier to bare everything and to keep pressing on. I have a reason to stick around. Even though he says he doesn't need my help for much of anything, I still need to do something or I feel inadequate.

On a positive note, I was able to download a copy of the book she suggested and began studying it and figuring myself out. Yes I aim to please and it makes me feel amazing to be able to help someone. This is why my job at the grocery store is so important to my mental health. Most of my customers are so sweet and I will miss them. Staying home for two months drove me crazy. I cleaned the house for the millionth time. It made me feel very very bad. A job helps keep you sane sometimes. 

Melody out!