Hiatus

A hiatus does not mean I am giving up on anything. I just need a break. Everything in my life has suddenly caved in on me and I need time to process it all. One thing at a time and one day at a time

I am having horrible luck with guys so that is on the back burner and that's okay. I am not worried about it. Love will happen when it happens. All in God's timing and God's will. Even if it doesn't happen, I will be okay. There is always an adventure out there for me to take alone.

Work has cut my hours down to an unlivable wage. I am so discouraged by that whole situation. People keep lying about me and it really hurts. I work so hard and it doesn't matter. No one sees and no one believes that I can do my job. Why do people have to be so hateful and tear people down? Lately I talk to God during my patrols. Its comforting.

Its comforting to know that He hears His child crying out. He sees when no one else does. God sees everything. I have that tiny comfort. Some days I ask myself why I even try so hard at everything I do. My life is precious and obviously God put me here for a purpose. Over the years I learned exactly what that purpose looks like.

I am a servant. I always look for ways to help. Some days I feel like the dust under peoples feet. I have been this way for as long as I could remember. I am a servant that serves unconditionally without expecting anything in return. I never say, "oh someone else will take care of it." I don't like it when people develop that attitude. Sometimes nothing gets done if someone doesn't step up to do it.

Maybe things will get better. Who knows?

I just hope I find a job soon.

Melody out!

Depression and Relationships

When you have depression, everyday life is already pretty hard. Add in a romantic relationship and that can go one of two ways. Really good or really bad. In my case I have very bad luck with guys. All of that aside in a pile and I have a story that will hopefully help people to understand more of what is going on in their partners head. Lets start with the definition and the what my case is.

• Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Its not something you have control over and often you need medication for it and sometimes therapy or both.

In my specific case, I have Bipolar Type 2 or Bipolar Depression. This means I go into a depressed state from 2-3 days to an entire week sometimes. At times there is no reason at all for this it just happens. Sometimes there is a reason for it. I am currently not on any medication but I have found something over the counter that seems to help.

I hope this helps someone out there understand themselves or their partner.

Feel free to contact me if you need someone to understand.

Melody out!